BACONSHARK DEFEATS ZOMBIE LLAMA IN ALL DAVID BOWIE'S PACKAGE FINAL MATCH AT THE 2010 PABST BLUE RIBBON PHILADELPHIA ROCK PAPER SCISSORS CITY LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES CHAMPIONSHIP!!!
Holy cow! Words can barely express the highs and lows experienced at the 2010 PBRPRPSCLCS Championships. You know how it ended - 2007 Champ Baconshark earned an unprecedented 2nd Championship by defeating 2009 4th Place finisher and fellow Package member Zombie Llama. But how did this auspicious night begin? Really crappy, that's how.
Due to a scheduling conflict, it wasn't even clear if Baconshark was going to make it to the Championship. His work as a
graphic designer/poster artist in his civilian life earned him a show that night as part of Collingswood's 2nd Saturday events. Good news! Except that it was scheduled to overlap with the start of the RPS Championship. What to do? Why, delay the Championship, of course! (It should be noted that Baconshark was one of about 5 or so players who were otherwise engaged that night and not the sole reason for the delay. But he was the best reason.)
So after a short wait for Baconshark (and others) to arrive, what could possibly go wrong for David Bowie's Package? Funny you should ask. Due to end of season point standings and the absence of a few players at the Championship, Round 1 saw Zombie Llama facing PJ Rhymeswithsausage. Ouch.
Zombie Llama won it in 3 sets. (Or maybe it was 2. I remember it as 3.) Instantly one less opportunity for an All Package Final, or so we thought. At least One Of Us advanced to Round 2.
Elsewhere in Round 1, 2008 Champ Mr. Is lost to rookie player Panty Bandit.
And Baconshark defeated That's What She Said.
Round 2 saw the collective spirits of David Bowie's Package rise, as Zombie Llama won against 2010 Rookie Of The Year (and Perfect Attendance award winner) Dick Nasty.
Baconshark followed that up with a win against another Perfect Attendance winner, The Neutral Finger.
As all of this awesomeness was going on, Mr. Is dedicated herself to building the best Pabst Beeramid Evar.
This Beeramid was knocked over & rebuilt at least 3 times during the night.
Round 3! PBRPRPSCLCS Referee C. Urbanus called this the Upset Round because all of the lower-ranked players beat their higher-ranked adversaries. I don't personally think that too many people were upset with the results, though. Certainly not David Bowie's Package!
Zombie Llama defeated 2010 Street RPS Champ (and I think he was 2009 Rookie Of The Year?) B-Pac in a nail-biter.
Where were we? Right! Round 3! Baconshark showed no mercy as he soundly defeated Sweetji and her crutches. (She fell off a roof this season! That's the only thing that kept her from earning a Perfect Attendance award, too.)
The crowd looked on with a sense of awe and wonder as members of David Bowie's Package became engorged with victories and pounded their way into Round 4, the Super Awesome Round Of 8 Players.
Baconshark found himself facing another Friend Of The Package and recent carpool buddy, Harper Lee. And even though Harper Lee had just come off of a victory against yet another Friend Of The Package, Paper Tiger, in the previous round, it was not enough. Baconshark won and advanced to the Final 4.
Right about here is when we all started to get excited about the potential for an All Package Final. How awesome would that be? So awesome. But first, The Final 4.
Tensions were high all around. Up first - Zombie Llama VS Bill from The Real Name Brigade. (We are all big fans of The Real Name Brigade, simply because they get it.) This was another difficult match. But in the end, Zombie Llama advanced to the Championship!
Baconshark faced an unknown player by the name of Jazz Handz in his Final 4 bout. (She was unknown because she played on different nights than the Package during the season.) We quickly learned there was no reason for concern as Baconshark defeated his 3rd female opponent of the night (traditionally his greatest nemesis) and advanced to the Championship!
Wowzers! Electricity! Excitement! Anticipation! All David Bowie's Package Championship Match! Whoda thunk it? But before all that madness could take place, there were several things what needed to get done.
First and foremost, congratulations to Bill on his 3rd Place victory. He defeated Jazz Handz and earned himself a trophy & cash prize. We're all proud of you, Bill.
Up next: preparing the stage for the Final Match.
And the final death of the Pabst Beeramid.
There was a lot of time to kill after the 3rd Place match. The final call for Street RPS money went out, and the 50/50 winner was picked. And wouldn't you know it, Official Friend Of The Package and all around nice guy B-Pac won both.
And then it was GO TIME. Things started off cordially, as expected. Baconshark & Zombie Llama shared a Pabst Blue Ribbon toast to the greatness of David Bowie's Package.
Neither player had spoken to the other since they won their spots in the Final. After all, the time for talking was over. Now was the time for All Package Final.
Things escalated quickly. Baconshark found himself up 2 matches to 0. In the finals, of course, you need to win 3 matches to win it all. And then, something AMAZING happened...
During the 2009 PBRPRPSCLCS Season, Baconshark pioneered 3 new sets of throws. Throwing 7 papers in a row became The Bible. 7 scissors in a row was The Guillotine. And 7 rocks in a row was The Heart Attack. Very tricky maneuvers to pull off successfully in a match. Even harder to pull off in a Championship Match. Hardest of all to pull off against an opponent who is also your teammate who is also throwing the same difficult set against you in a Championship Match. But wouldn't you know it, without any type of discussion prior, Zombie Llama and Baconshark threw a Heart Attack against each other. And not only that, after completing the Heart Attack (7 in a row), they shared a knowing glance and threw an 8th tying rock. This maneuver is now known as the All Package Final.
Just look at how increasingly happy/silly their faces get with each throw.
Immediately after all of that madness a Pabst Blue Ribbon Time Out was called. Then they tied again with paper.
Zombie Llama made a stunning comeback. Suddenly it was 2 matches to 1. Then it was all tied up at 2 matches each.
A little known fact about Zombie Llama - in the very first PBRPRPSCLCS match on the very first night of the League way back in 2006, Zombie Llama made it to the Finals. He was up 2 matches to 0, and won the first throw of the final match. What followed has often been described as
the greatest meltdown in PBRPRPSCLCS history. Zombie Llama went on to lose every point in a row from that moment on. Victory went to his opponent after what had looked like a guaranteed win for Zombie Llama. Could he possibly redeem himself here and snatch victory away from his fellow Package member and former 2007 PBRPRPSCLCS Champ, Baconshark?
Not quite! Baconshark rose to a one point lead in the fifth and final match. And then, in a moment that Zombie Llama claims he saw coming but was powerless to stop, Baconshark's rock claimed final victory. Baconshark won a stunning and unprecedented second Pabst Blue Ribbon Philadelphia Rock Paper Scissors City League Championship Series Championship!
It really was the most amazing thing ever.
Zombie Llama won $250 and some bitchin' suspenders!
Baconshark won $1,000, a trophy, a giant check, and a Pabst towel!
And together, Baconshark and Zombie Llama proved, once again, without a shadow of a doubt, and perhaps for all of time,
DAVID BOWIE'S PACKAGE RULES!!!
