The Package Lumbers Towards Victory

The final preseason PBRPRPSCLCS event was held at The Dive back on April 10. David Bowie's Package was represented by Baconshark and PJ Rhymeswithsausage. And as usual, a lady was our undoing. PJ Rhymeswithsausage lost to Sarah Jane in the second round. Then she defeated Baconshark in the Final 4. And to top things off, Sarah Jane crushed Official Friend Of The Package Paper Tiger in the finals. But all was not lost! PJ Rhymeswithsausge fought the good fight and once again won the Street RPS tourney for the night! That marks 5 Street victories in 5 appearances since winning the Street match at the PBRPRPSCLCS Championship. Thanks to these victories and the off-season prize of a $20 bar tab for winning Street, David Bowie's Package has not had to pay for a drink at The Dive for a damn long time (but we still leave a good tip with the bartender). Extra points for the Season were awarded for the night, so David Bowie's Package was officially in the lead for Team Points for about 3 minutes.

The official start of the Pabst Blue Ribbon Philadelphia Rock Paper Scissors City League Championship Series was last week, and with it came with an increase in girth and stamina for David Bowie's Package. Some longtime friends of Zombie Llama came out not only as Athletic Supporters, but full blown Members Of The Package. Dogulas and Squidling both did DBP proud by loosing in the first round. Truly they are One Of Us. PJ Rhymeswithsausage also faced defeat in Round 1 at the hand of Safety Scissors. Zombie Llama advanced to round 2 by defeating Squidling (One Of Us! - pictured below), but then fell to EZ Almighty.

And last night at The Raven Lounge saw a strong Week 2 performance from the engorged David Bowie's Package. For one night only we took the name Bea Arthur's Package to honor the lady and her junk. Another new member, Zero, made his debut. And just as Squidling did the week before, Zero lost to a Package veteran. More on that in a moment!

The night started with a good omen as Tits McGee got a bye in the first round. Squidling lost in the first round (again) against the ever difficult Loomer. Just to prove that losing in the first round is a fun and healthy thing to do, 2007 PBRPRPSCLCS Champ Baconshark also went down early against B-Pac (B-Pac's first official victory). The rest of Bea Arthur's Package was all smiles and victories in the first round. Zombie Llama defeated Hambone. Zero defeated Frankie 13. PJ Rhymeswithsausage beat newcomer Kimmy. And Dogulas, performing under the name I Throw Rocks Joe Rogan, defeated Frankie 13's protege Mike G. Then we all enjoyed a cool refreshing $2 tall boy of Pabst.

Round 2 saw some strong matches. Loomer again defeated a Package member, this time toppling Zombie Llama. Tits McGee avenged her love Baconshark by defeating B-Pac. Zero totally got beat by PJ Rhymeswithsausage because Zero has an elaborate haircut. I Throw Rocks Joe Rogan had a bye.

So much Package On Package action! The Final 4 was 3/4ths Bea Arthur's Package! I Throw Rocks Joe Rogan defeated PJ Rhymeswithsausage. Sadly, there was no Package On Package Final - Loomer defeated Tits McGee in 3 rounds of hard battle. And in the final, in only his second night of PBRPRPSCLCS competition, I Throw Rocks Joe Rogan beat Loomer to be the Champion Of The Night. Good job Dogulas! Now stop calling yourself by that other name because it is long and dumb.

Bea Arthur's Package ruled the night completely when PJ Rhymeswithsausage won the Street RPS tourney by a score of $27 to Frankie 13's $26. All in all, a very fulfilling night of victories to honor Bea Arthur. I'm sure that she would appreciate what a bunch of drunk folks in Philly are doing in her name.