MR IS WINS!

David Bowie's Package got two text messages from Mr. Is the other night:

June 1 - 8:21pm:  There's a girl @ the Raven arguing w/ Urbanus for use of the stage so she & her friends can pole dance.

June 1 - 9:54pm: I won!  Wait, what?

At first glance it would appear that Mr Is won the right to use the stage for pole dancing.  And that would be wrong.  What she did do is beat everybody else at the Raven Lounge and take the PBRPRPSCLCS Victory for the night.  Not as cool as winning the 2008 PBRPRPSCLCS, but it is her first victory since that victory.  Except for that time she won some other RPS tournament sponsored by some other beer.

OK.  Maybe she did win the right to pole dance. 

Package Mega Post

So much time has passed since the last update. What have you, our dear reader, missed out on? Lots of second place finishes and an amazing victory!

Back on May 11 there was a dude what came to play RPS for one night only – The Professor is a professor of Math & Other Stuff from Oxford University in merry ol’ England. He came to the PBRPRPSCLCS to play RPS with Math for an episode for an upcoming BBC show called The Code. (The Professor told me that the eposide featuring RPS would then segue into patterns left by serial killers.  Hopefully there are no other correlations between the PBRPRPSCLCS and serial killers, but only time will tell.)  We chose to play RPS with Beer. In the end it’s hard to say who won, because it wasn’t the Professor (he defeated Ziro in Round 1 and then lost to Dick Nasty in Round 3) and it wasn’t us – dOGulas lost in the Final to Sweetji. PJ Rhymeswithsausage beat The Professor for some Street money, but that really didn’t matter so much. PJ took second place in Street on the night to J Martin Hill by a margin of six fake dollars. And as those shirts from the ‘90s so eloquently put it, 2nd place is the first looser. So let’s hear it for David Bowie’s Package sweeping the First Loser spots on the night!

Hipster Thrifter went out to the El Bar for a night of Birthday RPS on May 23. And she did awesome, drinking drinks and winning lots of matches. But not all of the matches. That honor fell to fellow Package member Ziro!!! Ziro freaking won!! And in an ALL PACKAGE FINAL! How awesome is that? Super awesome. Plus, it finally gets Ziro & dOGulas (who had nothing to do with the final match but is in the picture anyway for some reason) a picture on the Package Blog! Everyone wins! But actually only Ziro won, which is awesome, but kinda lame that you ruined Hipster Thrifter’s birthday like that.

Our final update comes from the final day in May. David Bowie’s Package was rolling mad deep on the night – in attendance was Mr. Is, Legg E. Blonde, Master Brader, PJ Rhymeswithsausage, dOGulas, Hipster Thrifter, and Zombie Llama. And we all lost. Baconshark casually crushed the competition all the way up to the final and was winning that 2-0 before Panty Bandit mounted a comeback to win the night. PJ Rhymeswithsausage did his darndest to win street but was off by like $60.

That was a lot of nights of second place finishes and first round losses. And Package members did play many other nights during the past 3 weeks, but it’s safe to say that those were unremarkable losses. Which I guess means taking second place is a remarkable loss?

dOGulas Ends Week 3 With A Win

Coming off of the unmeasurable high of losing a whole lot over the past two years, dOGulas won his second-ever tournament last Thursday night at Teri's.  (The previous win was when we were playing under the name Bea Arthur's Package to mourn the loss of that great lady.  There was actually some other win in the 2010 Season, but that was a weird alternate-universe thing.)  His final match was against newcomer Doug E. Fresh, a fellow "Doug".  They fought not only for the #1 spot on the night, but also for the right to be called Doug.  And our boy took it home after a very tense match up.  Now dOGulas can continue to misspell his name and Doug E. Fresh must now be known as Frank.  It remains to be seen if "Frank" lives up to his end of the deal.  (It also makes you wonder if Frankie 13 has an unknown past life as a Doug.  Maybe Dougs are like Highlanders, where they battle each other non-violently until only one remains...)

Ziro Has Best 1st Round Loss EVAR

David Bowie's Package returned to Dirty Frank's for Week 3.  Many new faces have joined the Package this season.  Hipster Thrifter proved her worth last week by beating everyone.  This week was a bit more wishy-washy.  New member Master Brader went out quickly in the first round, earning 4 different Red Cards for 3 different violations.  It was pretty rad.  Other new member Donkey Show Deena almost made it to the Final 4.  Almost. 

It's safe to assume that everybody else in the Package lost on the night (because we did).  But as usual, the greatest and most spectacular loss was by Ziro.  It was a nail biter, but on the last point in a 3-round set, Ziro lost to Jerry Garcia, pictured below.

Jerry Garcia went on to lose to Paper Tiger in round 2.  He then went on to ask everyone on our team if we've heard of Dark Star Orchestra, because have you ever heard of Grateful Dead?  Well, Dark Star Orchestra does a note-for-note cover of a Grateful Dead show.  You should bring your girl.  She'll love it.

Package Sweeps Week 2 At Dirty Franks!

Newest Package member Hipster Thrifter proved herself a winner winner chicken dinner last Tuesday night at Dirty Frank's.  She went to the event to show off the silliness to a friend from out of town, and she ended up winning all of the silliness.  Good Job New Girl!  This marks the first win by a member of David Bowie's Package since Baconshark won his second Championship at the 2010 PBRPRPSCLCS back in June 2010.

To complete the sweep, dOGulas had more fake money than anybody else.  His margin of victory was a slim $2, but it was enough.  This marks dOGulas' first ever Street RPS victory.  Probably.  No one really remembers this stuff.  It's just not that important in the long run.

The Package tried to maintain the victory streak at Teri's on Thursday night.  It didn't work.  PJ Rhymeswithsausage had a season-best finish in the Final 4 thanks to getting 2 byes and one victory.  A loss to Paper Tiger set up a final between the Friend Of Package and 2010 PBRPRPSCLCS Runner Up Zombie Llama.  Zombie Llama quickly took the lead by 2 sets, and then just as quickly lost the next 3 sets.  Yes, it was a stunning and not too surprising meltdown that even Zombie Llama saw coming.  It also marked the first time Zombie Llama took second place since Baconshark won his second Championship at the 2010 PBRPRPSCLCS back in June 2010. 

A highlight of the evening was a new player taking victory in his first-ever match by throwing a Heart Attack (7 rocks in a row).  Good times!  Also, the members of David Bowie's Package learned that Street RPS money is covertly marked so as to prevent any type of fraudulent hanky-panky.  Who knew?

BACONSHARK WINS 2ND CHAMPIONSHIP!!!

BACONSHARK DEFEATS ZOMBIE LLAMA IN ALL DAVID BOWIE'S PACKAGE FINAL MATCH AT THE 2010 PABST BLUE RIBBON PHILADELPHIA ROCK PAPER SCISSORS CITY LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES CHAMPIONSHIP!!!

Holy cow!  Words can barely express the highs and lows experienced at the 2010 PBRPRPSCLCS Championships.  You know how it ended - 2007 Champ Baconshark earned an unprecedented 2nd Championship by defeating 2009 4th Place finisher and fellow Package member Zombie Llama.  But how did this auspicious night begin?  Really crappy, that's how.

 
Due to a scheduling conflict, it wasn't even clear if Baconshark was going to make it to the Championship.  His work as a graphic designer/poster artist in his civilian life earned him a show that night as part of Collingswood's 2nd Saturday events.  Good news!  Except that it was scheduled to overlap with the start of the RPS Championship.  What to do?  Why, delay the Championship, of course!  (It should be noted that Baconshark was one of about 5 or so players who were otherwise engaged that night and not the sole reason for the delay.  But he was the best reason.)

So after a short wait for Baconshark (and others) to arrive, what could possibly go wrong for David Bowie's Package?  Funny you should ask.  Due to end of season point standings and the absence of a few players at the Championship, Round 1 saw Zombie Llama facing PJ Rhymeswithsausage.  Ouch.

Zombie Llama won it in 3 sets.  (Or maybe it was 2.  I remember it as 3.)  Instantly one less opportunity for an All Package Final, or so we thought.  At least One Of Us advanced to Round 2.  

Elsewhere in Round 1, 2008 Champ Mr. Is lost to rookie player Panty Bandit.

And Baconshark defeated That's What She Said.

Round 2 saw the collective spirits of David Bowie's Package rise, as Zombie Llama won against 2010 Rookie Of The Year (and Perfect Attendance award winner) Dick Nasty.

Baconshark followed that up with a win against another Perfect Attendance winner, The Neutral Finger.

As all of this awesomeness was going on, Mr. Is dedicated herself to building the best Pabst Beeramid Evar.

This Beeramid was knocked over & rebuilt at least 3 times during the night.

Round 3!  PBRPRPSCLCS Referee C. Urbanus called this the Upset Round because all of the lower-ranked players beat their higher-ranked adversaries.  I don't personally think that too many people were upset with the results, though.  Certainly not David Bowie's Package!

Zombie Llama defeated 2010 Street RPS Champ (and I think he was 2009 Rookie Of The Year?) B-Pac in a nail-biter.

Don't feel bad for B-Pac.  He went on to win both the Street RPS prize for the night as well as the 50/50.  There hasn't been a sweep like that at the championship since 2008 when Mr. Is won 1st Place, Zombie Llama won the 50/50, and PJ Rhymeswithsausage won the Street RPS prize.  Man.  David Bowie's Package rules!

Where were we?  Right!  Round 3!  Baconshark showed no mercy as he soundly defeated Sweetji and her crutches.  (She fell off a roof this season!  That's the only thing that kept her from earning a Perfect Attendance award, too.)

The crowd looked on with a sense of awe and wonder as members of David Bowie's Package became engorged with victories and pounded their way into Round 4, the Super Awesome Round Of 8 Players.

Zombie Llama once again faced off against Friend Of The Package, baker of Strawberry Appreciation Day cakes, and all around nice guy, El Toro Papaya.  And just as he did when they faced off in the Round Of 8 at the 2009 Championship, Zombie Llama emerged victorious and earned his spot in the Final 4.

Baconshark found himself facing another Friend Of The Package and recent carpool buddy, Harper Lee.  And even though Harper Lee had just come off of a victory against yet another Friend Of The Package, Paper Tiger, in the previous round, it was not enough.  Baconshark won and advanced to the Final 4.

Right about here is when we all started to get excited about the potential for an All Package Final.  How awesome would that be?  So awesome.  But first, The Final 4.

Tensions were high all around.  Up first - Zombie Llama VS Bill from The Real Name Brigade.  (We are all big fans of The Real Name Brigade, simply because they get it.)  This was another difficult match.  But in the end, Zombie Llama advanced to the Championship!

Baconshark faced an unknown player by the name of Jazz Handz in his Final 4 bout.  (She was unknown because she played on different nights than the Package during the season.)  We quickly learned there was no reason for concern as Baconshark defeated his 3rd female opponent of the night (traditionally his greatest nemesis) and advanced to the Championship!

Wowzers!  Electricity!  Excitement!  Anticipation!  All David Bowie's Package Championship Match!  Whoda thunk it?  But before all that madness could take place, there were several things what needed to get done.

First and foremost, congratulations to Bill on his 3rd Place victory.  He defeated Jazz Handz and earned himself a trophy & cash prize.  We're all proud of you, Bill.

Up next: preparing the stage for the Final Match.

And the final death of the Pabst Beeramid.

There was a lot of time to kill after the 3rd Place match.  The final call for Street RPS money went out, and the 50/50 winner was picked.  And wouldn't you know it, Official Friend Of The Package and all around nice guy B-Pac won both.

And then it was GO TIME.  Things started off cordially, as expected.  Baconshark & Zombie Llama shared a Pabst Blue Ribbon toast to the greatness of David Bowie's Package.

Neither player had spoken to the other since they won their spots in the Final.  After all, the time for talking was over.  Now was the time for All Package Final. 

Things escalated quickly.  Baconshark found himself up 2 matches to 0.  In the finals, of course, you need to win 3 matches to win it all.  And then, something AMAZING happened...

During the 2009 PBRPRPSCLCS Season, Baconshark pioneered 3 new sets of throws.  Throwing 7 papers in a row became The Bible.  7 scissors in a row was The Guillotine.  And 7 rocks in a row was The Heart Attack.  Very tricky maneuvers to pull off successfully in a match.  Even harder to pull off in a Championship Match.  Hardest of all to pull off against an opponent who is also your teammate who is also throwing the same difficult set against you in a Championship Match.  But wouldn't you know it, without any type of discussion prior, Zombie Llama and Baconshark threw a Heart Attack against each other.  And not only that, after completing the Heart Attack (7 in a row), they shared a knowing glance and threw an 8th tying rock.  This maneuver is now known as the All Package Final.

Just look at how increasingly happy/silly their faces get with each throw.

Immediately after all of that madness a Pabst Blue Ribbon Time Out was called.  Then they tied again with paper.

Zombie Llama made a stunning comeback.  Suddenly it was 2 matches to 1.  Then it was all tied up at 2 matches each.  A little known fact about Zombie Llama - in the very first PBRPRPSCLCS match on the very first night of the League way back in 2006, Zombie Llama made it to the Finals.  He was up 2 matches to 0, and won the first throw of the final match.  What followed has often been described as the greatest meltdown in PBRPRPSCLCS history.  Zombie Llama went on to lose every point in a row from that moment on.  Victory went to his opponent after what had looked like a guaranteed win for Zombie Llama.  Could he possibly redeem himself here and snatch victory away from his fellow Package member and former 2007 PBRPRPSCLCS Champ, Baconshark?

Not quite!  Baconshark rose to a one point lead in the fifth and final match.  And then, in a moment that Zombie Llama claims he saw coming but was powerless to stop, Baconshark's rock claimed final victory.  Baconshark won a stunning and unprecedented second Pabst Blue Ribbon Philadelphia Rock Paper Scissors City League Championship Series Championship!

 It really was the most amazing thing ever.

Zombie Llama won $250 and some bitchin' suspenders!

Baconshark won $1,000, a trophy, a giant check, and a Pabst towel!

And together, Baconshark and Zombie Llama proved, once again, without a shadow of a doubt, and perhaps for all of time, 

DAVID BOWIE'S PACKAGE RULES!!!

PJ Rhymeswithsausage Wins Final Match Of The Season

PJ Rhymeswithsausage took the final night of Double Points Week in a long hard fight against many good players.  Dr. Hambone, Dick Nasty, Sweetji, God's Favorite Child, and others all put up strong matches that went to the 3rd round each time.  But in the end, David Bowie's Package ruled!

The rest of the Package did well on the night, too.  Zombie Llama and Legg E. Blonde both advanced to the Round Of 8 after beating several seasoned veterans.  Mr. Is was out in the first round.  What can ya do?

In other news, it was a belated celebration of Strawberry Appreciation Night.  El Toro Papaya baked a cake in honor of Mr. Strawberry's birthday.  The actual birthday had long since past and Mr. Strawberry was not in attendance, but none of that stopped folks from enjoying a slice of delicious cake after their loss in the night's tournament.  Thanks again, El Toro.  You are truly a prince amongst men.

And for the last Beeramid of the season, we made a big'un.  Extra tall, extra wide, extra awesome. 

DAVID BOWIE'S PACKAGE RULES!!!

Zombie Llama Is Famous For Losing

Local Philly rag The Metro has an article out this week about the PBRPRPSCLCS Championship, and who is in the featured picture but our very own Zombie Llama!  The picture shows Zombie Llama's paper losing to Crimson Destroyer's scissors in the Final 4 of the 2009 PBRPRPSCLCS.  Crimson Destroyer went on to take the #2 spot on the night, while Zombie Llama took 4th over all.

The article talks about tomorrow night's Championship and gives a few quotes from El Toro Papaya and C. Urbanus (billed as Shawn Ring).  The best part of the article is something called the "Urbanist Defense":

Rockin’ tips

A popular strategy is the “Urbanist” defense — the person loses the first round on purpose to throw off the opponent and give himself or herself an edge because the competitor has a false sense of confidence.

There is no indication if this "Urbanist defense" has any relation to the shockingly similar "Urbanus Defense", named after PBRPRPSCLCS founder and head muckity-muck C. Urbanis.

Double Points Week - Part 1

It's Double Points Week here in the PBRPRPSCLCS, a tradition during the final week of Season play.  2008 Champ Mr. Is is making the most of it by attending events all week long.  Those of us with jobs and responsibilities are only going twice this week.  And that brings us to Tuesday night at Dirty Frank's.

2007 Champ Baconshark, 2008 Champ Mr. Is, and 2006 South Jersey Street Champ PJ Rhymeswithsausage braved the rapids of the mighty Delaware in order to be a part of the action.  We brought Friends Of the Package J. Martin Hill and Harper Lee with us because carpooling is awesome.  But that gesture of kindness made us stay out really late, as Harper Lee made it into the Finals.  Sadly, she lost in 3 straight sets to Tina The Boy.  But it was a good strong match, and Tina The Boy was gracious in victory.

David Bowie's Package members did fairly well for themselves.  PJ Rhymeswithsausage made it to the 4th round, a personal best on the season.  PJ also won a solid victory over Dick Nasty, 4 papers in a row covering 4 rocks in a row.  I'm not gonna lie.  It was awesome.    Baconshark made it to Round 3 and Mr. Is made it to Round 2 (unless she was out in Round 1, I forget). 

The Beeramid took on a special flavor Tuesday night at Dirty Frank's.  16oz. cans of Pabst and some leftover water ice combined to make the most lemony delicious Beeramid Shandy ever created.

Legg E. Blonde Wins!

Legg E. Blonde gave a perfect demonstration of The Rule Of Carpooling on Thursday night.  You know the one.  It's the rule that says "When everybody just wants to lose right away and go home, someone will make it to the Final."  And so she did.  In fact, Legg E. Blonde won the whole damn thing!  And with that one victory in her only appearance all season, she is in 47th Place overall.  That puts here well ahead of everyone on David Bowie's Package except for Baconshark (who has made it to the Finals twice and lost in the Finals twice).  The picture above expresses equally our joy at Legg E. Blonde's victory and our deep sadness that we had to be out so late on a weeknight.  Also, the Beeramid fell over.

In other Package news, Mr. Is is trying to make up for lost time by going to RPS all the damn time and kicking butt at Street.  Wednesday night at Raven Lounge she lost Street by $3.  Thursday night at The Dive she came in second again, though she lost by $51.  Still, second place two nights in a row ain't too shabby. 

This coming week is the final week of regular PBRPRPSCLCS play, and that means Double Points Week.  David Bowie's Package will be out in force for these events.  But the question is, do we have to make double the Beeramids?

The Return of Mr. Is

Back from the horrors of the American Mid-West, Mr. Is made her return to the PBRPRPSCLCS last week.  She played twice during the week and was out in the first few rounds both times.  A true return to form.  We at David Bowie's Package couldn't be happier to have her back.

In other Returning Player news, Squidling showed up to an RPS match at some point in the past few weeks and also lost in the first round.  It's good to have a team that sticks to it's strengths.

WEEK 6

Zombie Llama, Baconshark, PJ Rhymeswithsausage, and the previously mentioned Mr. Is all came out to The Dive for Week 6 action.  And as the ladies will tell you, David Bowie's Package likes to keep it short and sweet.  Zombie Llama lasted the longest, pumping his way into Round 3 before falling flaccid in defeat to his opponent.

PJ Rhymeswithsausage had a slight return to form in Street RPS, thus making the rest of The Package wait around while he gambled for fake money.  But in the end the Street RPS title for the night went to Friend Of The Package B-Pac.

With only 2 weeks left in competition the only question remaining for Team David Bowie's Package is this:  How many more Pabst Beeramids© can we make?

Week 5 and Movie News

Week 5 and we're finally back on the horse.  But not for long!  Zombie Llama and Baconshark both went down swinging in Round 1.  PJ Rhymeswithsausage put up a good fight but was eliminated in Round 2.  It's doubtful that David Bowie's Package will display end of season point totals as impressive as past years, but what the hell can you do?    We did end the night on a positive note, though.  Even though our only notable accomplishment for the evening was making a beeramid, at least it was a pretty bad-ass beeramid.

**********************************************

In only slightly related news, this past weekend was another round of the 48 Hour Film Project in Philadelphia.  Assorted members of David Bowie's Package have been taking part in this movie making competition since 2002 as part of the team Meatball Posse.  PJ Rhymeswithsausage, Tits McGee, and Zombie Llama all worked on this year's entry, a dark comedy called "Second-Hand Stiffs."  All work on this movie was completed between 7pm Friday and 7pm Sunday.  If you are interested in seeing this piece of cinematic tomfoolery you can catch the screening tonight, Friday May 21 at 7pm at the International House.  Tickets are $10 at the door. 

Or if you're a cheap bastard you can just watch it here.

Week 2 & 3 and apparently Week 4, too

Somewhere back there in the past was Week 2 of the 2010 PBRPRPSCLCS Season.  Baconshark and I (PJ Rhymeswithsausage) came out to fight the good fight.  But the good fight had other ideas for us.

I was out quickly in Round 1.  But that allowed me to throw in fully to Street RPS.  I played well for fake money but still came up about $17 short of the night's victory.

Baconshark, as usual, performed much better.  He made it into the Final Four on the night before losing to somebody.  It was not a total loss, though.  Baconshark did manage to throw a successful Heart Attack (7 rocks in a row) during the evening.  It was a good night of not winning all around.

Then Week 3 happened, and we did not play.  And then Week 4 happened, and we not only did not play but apparently didn't even notice.  I swear I thought we only missed one week.  Oh well.  Time to crank up the appearances and see if we can't pull a miracle out of our pale crevasses!

2009 PBRPRPSCLCS Champioinship

This happened last June.  Details are fuzzy, so I'll just drop all the highlights I can remember.  First, and most importantly, Frankie 13 claimed that this was his final season.  As such, the Championship was his last stab at success before retirement.  Whom did he face early in the tournament?  Zombie Llama.

His final opponent?  Zombie Llama.

 Frankie 13 is retired.

Looking back, Zombie Llama had the best night of any of us.  He took 4th Place over all.  Everyone else lost way earlier.  As it turns out, most of us lost to the top 3 competitors of the evening.  Good job!  A full set of pictures from the evening can be found at this Flickr set of the 2009 PBRPRPSCLCS Championship.  Highlights from David Bowie's Package's evening are below.  Enjoy!

2008 Champ Mr. Is shows off some fresh threads.

Zero loses to the evening's eventual Champ, Sexual Chutney.

Legg E. Blonde loses to someone.

PJ Rhymeswithsausage loses to the eventual 3rd Place, 

Madame Silly Putty.

dOGulas loses to eventual 2nd Place, The Crimson Destroyer.

2008 Champ Mr. Is loses to the eventual 2009 Champ, Sexual Chutney.

dOGulas is in a beer commercial in his mind.

2007 Champ Baconshark loses to eventual 2nd Place, 

The Crimson Destroyer.

Mr. Is VS Tits McGee in some sort of 8th Grade Dance Competition.

Baconshark with noted friend of David Bowie's Package, Paper Tiger.

Squidling VS Grim Trigger for some Street RPS money.

Zombie Llama "wins" 4th Place.

Madame Silly Putty legitimately takes 3rd Place.

Zombie Llama shows off all the Pabst swag that comes with 

the honor of a 4th Place finish.

Baconshark VS Paper Tiger for some Street RPS money

as Tits McGee looks on.

left to right:

3rd Place - Madame Silly Putty

2nd Place - The Crimson Destroyer

3rd Place - Sexual Chutney

Urbanus!

David Bowie's Package Rules! (circa 2009)

...this freaking guy wouldn't keep his mouth shut all night.

Sheesh.  Some mammals, I tell ya.